he's goneeeeeee

boohooo T_T
my Darling drove away 10mins ago, to a festival.
I already miss him /:
I need some really good distraction now.
I ringed my mother, hopefully she's calling back soon, so I can visit her and she can dye my hair and I don't have to be at home all alone. o:
Njagnjanjkbgdjksf
I need to clean up the kitchen and my room properly, it's so messy all around here, I can't believe that I can live in such a chaos. I need to distract myself good.
I need to eat right and not getting drunk from cocktails and eating nachos and stuff -.- before he left, my darling bought fries for me. Now I feel sick in my stomach, argh. i shouldn't have eaten them. No more crap for me today.
I need to make plans for tonight....

Love<3
Bella

This is it!

Girls, I need some help.
Seriously.
I was doing fine with the HSGD yesterday, only went slightly over the 900 and having fruits and vegetables.
Today I was suprisingly very low with cals and managed to stay under the 800 even with Kinderchocolate untill I started to want more more more and eating Nougat. Argh! Seriously, whats wrong with my head?? Everytime I plan to eat not to much crap I binge though I normally wouldn't. I think my head is kidding. Or whoever makes me feel like eating this disgusting amout of cals. -.-

Help me, what can I do? I'll spend wednesday with my boyfriend since he goes to a festival on thursday. I will be alone [besides my one roommate but I hardly see my other roommates] and I don't know if  I'll pig out and eat mindless untill I feel gross or if I will avoid at all.
Maybe I can manage to stay out of the house and just eat one meal a day and then go out without returning home so I can't eat.
Sounds like some kind of a plan...
Aww I dunno
help me girls, you sure have some ideas.


xoxo<3
Bella

 

30 Day Song Challenge - Day 10

quickly following the

day 11 - a song from your favorite band 

 Mindless Self Indulgence  Faggot [Ultrasex]

I already told you about MSI and just how I like them and how crazy they are and this is just a song which makes me go crazy and dance around everywhere. ;D this is why I choose this song.

You should just put it on your mp3 player [no, not iPod!] turn up the volume and start dancing like crazy with a mop in your hand while cleaning. Things like that make life more fun(:

Kisses :*

Bella

 

30 Day Song Challenge - Day 9

Hey Ladies,

thanks so much for your supporting words Little Miss Thin, Mich and Sammy. <3 You're great.
I'm feeling better now but I know it's just because I avoid thinking about what happened. I'm quiet good at avoiding certain thoughts, alot of practise, y'know.

a late ...
day 10 - a song that makes you fall asleep
there is nothing I could post about that. Since I have troubles with sleeping for ages, there is nothing like a song which could make me fall asleep. To be honest every kind of music can play when I'm really tired and I wouldn't mind. So no song for this topic, sorry.


Love <3
Bella

something bad happened, I think.
I already posted something desperate... well and it is worse now I think.
The first time in this whole year I thought that we might not be together untill we're old. It really sounds stupid hearing that from a 17 year old and maybe alot of people thought so and then split up after a certain time, but still this never let me doubt my desicion.
I was very sad and angry and cold at the time I figured this out and since my boyfriend was already really desperate because he messed up this day, I was getting even colder and told him, that we wont spend as much time together as we expected to. I didn't let this get on to me because I know this would just make me got a panic attack. I don't know where this thought came from and I was already sorry as I finished my sentence because I didn't want to hurt my Darling. He got even more desperate and told me he was carrying this knowledge for weeks and was afraid to talk about that with me.
I still don't know how I got away from that panic attack. Ours later it somehow catched me and I started crying immidately begging him not to leave me. He told me that he loves me and wants to spend as much time with me as possible and that I should not be afraid and mess up our time together because I'm scared of the day we'll break up. Even writing about this makes me want to scream. I can't explain what I feel now and I'm somewhere between clinging to him untill the last second, slowly distance myself from him and acting like everything is okay and not causing him any trouble, to be such a good girlfriend he wants to stay with me longer.
I just don't know what to do. I never loved someone this hard and I surely never will again. I had one relationship before this one and from the very first second I knew this would last longer than a few months and I didn't even cry about the breakup-text my ex sent me. yes, breakup-text, very charming. Not because I didn't care but simply because this wasn't love and I already knew.
I hated relationships ever since and just thought of myself as not able to form a relationship. Everything got upside down as I met my Darling and though we had fights I never doubt spending every second with him.
I feel like dieing when I repeat the words in my head ...already know this for weeks but was afraid of talking about it...
He said he really loves me like no one else before and he thinks that this will never change even when we would break up. I think in the end he will be the one breaking up with me and I will cling to a ruined relationship.
Of course everyone would say, you're still young, you're 17 and 22, you still have a whole life to live and you will meet other people and maybe fall in love again but I would never want that. I hated falling in love my whole live and even though I was more than totally in love with my Darling I wasn't happy about him confessing to me and later not that he asked me for a relationship. Always full of doubts I decided to trust him and to allow myseld to fall in love with him. For hearing after only one year that this relationship has no future? I really want to die just right now and there haven't been many times in my life where I really thought of dieing in this second. I always thought something is waiting for me. I though this for the past 5 years or so and now I'm wondering if this was what I was waiting for.

I don't know what to do, I don't know who to ask for advise, I know alot of people but there is no one in this world I really trust, not even myself. I have no friends because I don't stay in contact with them, I always sit in this more than messy room and don't move and eat and only wait for this one person in my life. I gave up on my life. I guess it wasn't something you would have trouble to leave behind.

Sometimes I miss the times when my trouble was hiding my alcohol consume and the fact that I'm high in front of my parents. I miss hoe'in around and the only trouble was hearing some bitches tattle about me. I miss the feeling of 'friendship' with some guys you just go out every night or hang out and get high. I miss not caring about someone so much.
But then again I know this didn't made me happy for a second. It  just distracted me from my life. And that's not good.


I would upload some pictures explaining what I feel like but blogger refuses to let me put anything in this post. I might add it later.

Desperately,
Bella

oh well

okay, we're not going out because he don't want to go out today, not that I would care because it's our aniversary, but I do care about the promise he made.
but just forget it, sit alone in your room and be hungry and don't go into the kitchen to cook something because your face looks awful from all the crying and you're afraid the roommates might come back from their vacation when you're going into the kitchen.
yay, this day made it into top 10 days-I-expected-to-be-good-but-arent in my whole live. but yeah, fuck it.

30 Day Song Challenge - Day 9

Hey Ladies,
here follows the song for:


day 09 - a song that you can dance to 

Mindless Self Indulgence - Never Wanted to Dance

 If you didn't know the band untill know you missed alot of fun and braindamage.

They are...crazy. There is no other word, they are just crazy. Music, Voice, Look, Everything!

A friend sent me a few of their songs years a go and I immidately liked them. I got all their albums and I would love to have one of their crazy-ass weirdo shirts but you can't buy them in germay. One of my roommates has a few shirts of them. JEALOUSY! He even saw them live. DOUBLE JEALOUSY! That's where he got the shirts from. I wanna see them live soooo badly. I would even say they're my favourite band, I never get tired listening to them.

When went to this house [where I am now living] first time there was a party and I didn't know the people living here, I went here with some friends. Besides is was a theme-party and the theme was 'porn', the guys living in this house were dressed so crazy I couldn't believe it [and when something is crazy for me it's even over the standards of the averange].

And besides the little fact that I couldn't think of anything but sex by looking at one of the guys living here [now my boyfriend] they played MSI music and it was the very first time I ever heard their music on a party. I always wanted to go to a party where they would play MSI and I always talked about that with a friend and there it happened. That made the whole crazy-ass party even more sympathic.

Btw, it's not that I didn't fall in love with him immidately, but his charisma fascinated me from the very first second I looked him in the eyes. And I got this feeling of wanting him. But I'm sooo shy that I tried my very hardest to look him in the eyes when he walked past me [he looked at my severval times, I could see that he was interested. Maybe just because he didn't know me, I thought. Of course now I know better :D].

Aw again alot of text. 

I should call this 'Song Challenge with unnecessary long story about the song' or something. :D

have fun<3

Bella

30 Day Song Challenge - Day 8

Dear Readers,
yesterday was:

day 08 - a song that you know all the words to 

Silverstein - My Heroine [acoustic]

yeah well there are plenty of songs I know all the words to... but I choose this because...well I don't know it just came to my mind.
This is a really adorable song and I learned it together with one of my best friends, we sang it tgether on the phone or he played guitar and we were singing it and it just makes me smile (:
I also forced my little brother to learn it and he likes it to. This was one of the songs that lead him into 'the right direction' of music.
When he was 8/9 he was a big hiphop fan but I hated hiphop because it's no real music most of the time and so my cousins and me always kept bullying him about the hiphop music. But as he started being interessted in playing guitar, he learned that hiphop is not really music and because he wanted to play not-so-easy-peasy-songs he always played rock and metal and slowly got to like metal stuff and now hes 13 and plays guitar very well and even the harder-to-play-pieces of some bands. I'm proud :>

Have fun! :*
Bella

Healthy Skinny Girl Diet - Day 1

Hello Ladies,

today I start the HSGD and hopefully I will be able to do it well, even if I have a lot of distraction because summer holidays just started. (:

I had a late breakfast/lunch today, but that's good since it's my boyfriends' and my first aniversary and we go out for dinner, nothing special, just a small restaurant near our house, which opened last month, I think. I'm afraid that I might overdo it with calories and I have no clue what dishes they have and if I will be able to find a vegetarian dish which is not just fries or something like that.

My intake so far: 
1 Bowl of Salad with Dressing: ~100cals
1 Slice of Bread: ~ 105cals


this gives me 695 cals to work with for dinner. 
I just have to keep myself from eating all the kinder chocolate bars. ;D
Just in case I can't find something with low cals, I should drink half a litre of water before we go [after that I will see the toilet for about 4378578943 times...] and eat a carrot or something with nearly no cals.

Aww and I promised my boyfriend to make popcorn. He eats it with salt and butter. But I like sweet popcorn much more. Does someone knows a sweet, lower calorie topping for popcorn? Not splenda because I don't have liquid sweeteners, only little sweetener pills. Any suggestions?

However, hopefully you're all doing well<3
Bella

30 Day Song Challenge - Day 7

The next day is following:

day 07 - a song that reminds you of a certain event 

Queen - Crazy Little Thing Called Love

this was kinda hard... there would have been so many songs I would have put in here but this is the first that came to my mind. When I was just 14 I more or less accidently joined the ensemble of my schools musical group and we played 'We Will Rock You' ever since I have such a special feeling when I hear any song from the musical. It was the most...[how do you call it when something changes your life completely in a positive way with alot of chaos and happyness and pain and everthing?] precious time I can remember when I finally started to live again. It was amazingly scary and... well yeah I guess you know that it was very special for me. I absolutely love the musical and I already went to 'We Will Rock You' Germany to see it live on stage and I loved it. If I could choose what memories I want to live again, they would be very in the top5 definitely. Though I know that pain evaporates with the time, I remember blurry how much 'in pain' I was because of that change. You have to know that I was like a lifeless wrack for severval moths/years at that time, I can not remember anything from before because I didn't actually do anything. I just go to school, talking to my few friends, going home, eating, sometimes making homework and then... nothing. I just dont know how I spend like half of the day without doing anything. It's mysterious.

So my life changed 180° degrees and the lifeless-apathic-zombie-bella was suddenly thrown in some kind of crazy group with a lot of loud, weird people I normally would like and yet still so nice and all were hugging and kissing each other and after a few meeting doing that even to me... it was kinda shocked but I was okay with this after a short time.

Yeah I think I sound very weird if you look at my past like this.

Well weirdness is something normal in blogger-world so I have no problems with sharing that.

 

I love you all<3

Bella

 

 

30 Day Song Challenge - Day 6

So here I update for friday, it was


day 06 - a song that reminds you of somewhere 

Rise Against - Hero Of War

This has absolute nothing to do with the text and I could have put Scars by Papa Roach here as well.
It reminds me of my scottland holidays last summer, we used to sing those two songs together, as well as some other songs but this were the best ones. Every time I look at the pictures from back then I want to go back. It wasn't as hard being apart from my boyfriend back then because I didn't love him back than. It was all so dream like, I immidately made a new friend just on the 26-hours-bus-trip, she and her cousin were new to our group. since the people travelling with that group were alot of people from my old school and people who had travelled to sweden the year before with the same group, we already know each other. My ex was also there and we suddenly managed to stop our fights and became friends. Yeah and about the friend, she was very different from what I am, with friends and living and everything but we just got along very well it was just so much fun, we were like, thinking the same thing at the same time and saying it out loud and then just can't stop laughing.
A few members of the group met afterwards a few times and it's always great but I would love to go with them to another holiday. Sadly, the festival I absolutely want to go to is in the middle of the date for the finnland trip this year so I'm not going there. But next year they'll travel to Ireland and I definitely want to go there and I hope the girl and her cousin are also coming along, without them it just wouldn't be the same. (:
Oh I was writing alot again. I'm in a babbling mood I guess. 

Have fun<3
Bella 

I'm sorry I didn't felt like blogging yesterday

Ladies,
Sorry that I'm that late but I went to work on friday and after that to musical rehearsal and after that I fell asleep and slept untill 2 o'clock this afternoon. Ah well and I had a really really bad fight with my boyfriend friday night, mostly because I was feeling very bad inflammation in my throat [I have no clue how you call that two things you can see in the back of your throat...in german it the same word as 'almonds'].
However we wanted to go to a birthday party but I wasn't able because of my condition and I took a few painkillers so I could at least talk. I said that it would be heartless if he would leave me at home all alone when I'm that ill and that I would never do that to him [which is really true] but he kept insisting that I should just sleep and, ah whatever.
In the end I cried alot, sending him away but he already canceled his plans [I still dont know what he said to his friends] and being sorry and the next day when I was awake acting all weird and distanced and cold, thanks alot, now I feel much more loved then when you wanted to leave me alone at home when I felt so terrible.
Somehow in between I managed to scratch my arm with a knife. I don't know why, I never used to harm my body when I felt like dying or something and it disturbed me that I had this desire and gave in. This only happend once before when we had a fight but he had't noticed it because I scratched myself with my fingernails and it looked more 'natural'.
Of course I hide it from him because he would get very angry, like he got when I told him that its painful to feel everyday that your beloved person doesn't love you that much back and that my whole life depends on this love. This sounds really dramatical and I feel stupid while writing it but I'm such an addict, I can't help, I just made my whole existence circle around him. He asked me what I lived for before we met and I honestly told him that I had no reason to live. I used to think that there is nothing that holds me to my life but also that there has to be something that I'm living for in the future. So it is now and this something gets pissed/scared/angry because he's the reason for my life now.
Yeah whatever I need to get that off my chest. Monday is our first years aniversary, hooray. And our two roommates are coming back today I think. And he's leaving for a festival somewhen in the middle of the week...I'm so gonna get drunk or high everyday. And maybe don't eat as much...
Btw, I'm starting the Diet on monday because I kind of pigged out with food on saturday, I went out grocery shopping and started iimmidately eating the non-vegan things. I had about 1200cals I think, but nothing very nutritious and my stomach feels very bad and I know this is connected to eating dairy products again. I had some mozzarella, haha. And Kinder Chocolate. But only 3 little bars by now. Maybe my body knows it's gonna kill him if I eat more diary now. [and no, I don't have a diary intolerance, it's just that human bodys get used to live without it pretty quick because it's unnatural for us to consume diary]

Ah I have been talking a lot of crap, I'm sorry. I will update the song challenge now.
Kisses :*
Bella

not really happy

Hello Ladies,

I haven't posted about the vegan thing lately.
I have to admid that I feel more disgusted everytime I see and read what industry does to non-human animals.
It's a shame that so many people have no clue what happens or just don't care. They even say vegans are freaks.
I would like to slap their face every time they say something like that.

But still I decided not to stay vegan because I can feel how it affects my mind and I'm not happy with it because I miss some food. I know, how can someone be so weak missing food... but it's really new to me since I never missed any meat. It's really the opposite, I'm disgusted by the smell and the look.

But I miss cheese. I dont eat much cheese, and only light-tasting cheese like buttercheese or cream cheese. I could live without creamcheese I guess. But I can hardly live without normal, light-tasting cheese like the one I put on pizza or lasagne and I can't live without mozzarella. I could eat mozzarella with nearly everthing and along with my fav pasta I wouldn't need something else.
I'm disappointed with myself about that.
I wish I would like eating vegan more.
I feel stupid about writing how I miss Mozzarella u_u'
Still I think something is wrong because I got some insane cravings and even some kind of a meat craving [it was seitan sausage which tasted a little bit like animal sausage] and ate it with ketup and felt gross after eating two of them in a rush.
Indeed they are delicious but somehow that I thought of it as meat scared me. Normally this never happens and I really think the vegan-thing is affecting my mind.

The vegan-fast will end this weekend, since monday is my boyfriends and my first aniversary and we're going out for dinner. Nothing special or pricey, just something we never did before. It's mostly impossible to find something vegan at a normal restaurant so I don't want to mess up this date with that.

We will go grocery shopping on saturday. There are two things I'm gonna buy.
Mozzarella.
aaand.

Kinder Chocolate Bars!

because this is the most fucking delicious chocolate in the world. I swear, no oh-so-expensive chocolate is that good.
Since I have to be careful with diary because I don't know what it'll do to my stomach, I have to give them to my boyfriend so I won't eat them all at once. Normally when I somehow get them [I dont buy them because I know what happens, but some people give them to me as a present] I eat them one by one in an hour or two, depending on my mood or if I have someone around me.

 here you can see how I act around Kinder Chocolate... this picture might be inspired by a certain blogger.
But I'm not that good so it's just a poor imitation but I think you get what I mean about this chocolate.

Wow I said alot of unecessary thing nobody wants to know and thats why I stop writing now.
I'm bored.
But I can't go to sleep because I'm not tired by now and in 1,5 hours I have to get up, go buy some things and prepare some chocolate-cheesecake brownies for the theater people.
I'm such a nice girl and I'm going to bite my ass if I eat the brownies myself. Nyarghfdvbjhf.

Oh well, good night :* <3

30 Day Song Challenge - Day 5

Dear ladies,
why do I always post that late at night?
However, this is

day 05 - a song that reminds you of someone 

Of course alot of songs remind me of someone but I think this song is really a soundtrack. It has been a soundtrack for my ex and me, it got our soundtrack in some kind of epic, perfect moment.
After a really bad fight months after we broke up this song made my very sad so I always skipped it when my mp3 player played it but refused to delete it. I was some kind of thing you have to get over after a certain time.
Now, years later my ex and me are somehow friends. We don't see each other because we live in two different cities [not so far away but still] but sometimes we write messages like tonight. Just some random stuff. He is still someone special to me in some ways but it's not that I love/loved him. He was a very bad boyfriend. I'm the typical victim that looks for a arrogant boyfriend who treats her badly and thinks she deserves it. I'm so lucky my boyfriend is such a sweetheart and treats me like a princess.
Well after everything that happened between my ex and me, even though our relationships didn't last more than 4-5 month, we're still connected in a way. I think if you know someone for a few years and alot happens between you, you wont forget that ever.
But I don't want to forget. I learned so much trough this experiences so I'm just grateful.

Oh I'm rambling....
whatevery, have a good night ladies<3
Bella 

30 Day Song Challenge - Day 4

Hello to my 27 wonderful readers!<3

Today:
day 04 - a song that makes you sad

Bullet for my Valentine - The End

Why this song?
Well I was looking for a song which made me sad without triggering something sad. I have a lot of songs I can't listen to in public because I might start crying suddenly, because it triggers some burried memories. This song is not connected to a special memory or feeling. I loved BFMV when I was about 11/12 it was my absolute favourite group. I had the album 'the Poison' but I was only listening to my favs all the time till one day when suddenly this song started. I was somehow paralyzed and dazed and I really wanted to cry. This was the very first time I can remember this kind of feeling. In this time crying was not a thing I would do because crying would mean a strong feeling which I didn't had at this time. That's why I was very confused by the feeling this song caused.
Now I'm oversensitive and this isn't funny either but at least I'm not so dumb anymore.

Have fun & feel free to join the contest(:

Lots of Love<3
Bella 

30 Day Song Challenge - Day 3

Dear readers,
it's day 3 of the Song Challenge(:

day 03 - a song that makes you happy

Jennifer Rostock - Diadem

 

I can't tell why I like this band so much. Maybe because singer is fckn hot. 

Maybe because the music is strange and the lyrics so weird. Whatever, just listen to it.

I just noticed that I have the same haircut >>>

= hot woman + pretty tattoo + cute dog

she is a great thinspiration, too.

but I liked her before I even needed thinspiration.

have fun(:

Bella

30 Day Song Challenge - Day 2

My lovely Ladies,
this is a very late tuesday post,
day 02 - your least favorite song 

 I honestly don't know.

That's why I chose some random Lady Gaga Song. I really dislike her 'music'. She might do things I recommend, but still she really gets on my nerves. But many 'musicans' like her do. Espacially Rihanna. She's just...gross. And has a monkey-face.

Well, enough of this, most of the charts-music is crap.

Have fun(:
Bella

30 Day Song Challenge - Day 1

This is the first day of the song challenge.


day 01 - your favorite song 
Callejón - Und wenn der Schnee [mein Grab bedeckt]

Please don't judge the song by this picture, it's just the album cover.
This song is really beautyful, but not my favourite. 
Every song I really love means something to me so I won't just say it's my favourite, it's just a song I like without any special memories. But hearing it live was really great. 

Callejón is a german metalcore band, though their name is spanish. It means something like 'alleyway'.
They have some wonderful lyrics. Though their music is 'hard' the clean singing parts are really awesome.
The translation of the song means 'and when the snow [covers my grave].
I know my dear non-german readers can't understand the lyrics but the song is worth listening.
  
May all of you enjoy the challenge <3
Bella

Hello Ladies,

I'm sorry that I haven't updated my blog lately and haven't anwered your comments yet. I've read them though!
I'm still on the vegan diet, but exercise didn't work as I wish. I'm so lazy. Please someone come and kick my lazy ass.
Today I visited my mother. She knows that I'm eating vegan for two weeks and she wondered what I eat.
I showed her some of the vegan-food blogs I read and she was really impressed and suprised how 'easy' it can be to eat very diverse and healthy and how you can still enjoy all of your food. She also was very sad when I showed her what happens to all the male chicks which are born in a egg farm [you know what I mean? I even dont know the german word.]. They are thrown in a shredder or gassed. They do it in every farm. No exeptions.
Now she says she want to try to cook vegan dishes too because if she sees what happens to the animals she gets very sad and want to help them somehow. It's great that she cares. Everyone should.
I will drink now some chocolate-soy-milk [tastes better than cocoa] and it's good if you carving for chocolate.

Also I decided to do a 30 Days Song Challenge. I will post the rules in another post. If anyone wishes to do it too, feel free to comment so I can see what you like(:

I hope everyone is okay <3
Bella

25 oh wow

Wooow I haven't been on blogger for two days and suddenly I see I got 25 readers! The first time that I have more than 23. Amaaaazing. I love you girls, thanks for reading all that strange stuff I'm writing. <3
This is just a quick update, I haven't eaten as healthy as I planned because I got serious chocolate-problems. I was very naive and haven't thought about how I go crazy when I can't have chocolate. I backed cookies and muffins /: at least I stayed vegan all the time.
Today I bought 'tomato-basil' spread. I checked the ingredients and it is vegan but I have overseen the paprica. I absolutely hate paprica. I don't know why but there is really no way I can eat it. Of course the whole spread only tastes like paprica. Just like the veggie-tomate-sauce I bought last week. Why do germans put shitty paprica in EVERYTHING? Especially in things which contain tomato. THIS DOESNT TASTE GOOD! LEARN THAT! and NOOO it's not 'italian style' if you put tons of paprica in! I actually never seen any member of my italian family cooking something with paprica.
Well I will eat it anyway because it was expensive.
Which reminds me, I found vegan 'mozzarella' [i lovelovelove mozzarella].
Which reminds me, I can't afford eating vegan after these two weeks because everything I need to buy is soooo expensive. At least if your only a student without a job and can't make them on your own or the ingredients are too pricey.
Well, at least I think I will be more careful what I buy in future. No more animal abuse because of the food I consume.

Today I made a vegan potato gratin, if you wish, I will post the recipe later [have to translate it and stuff]

I will check up on you later, girls <3
really need to sleep since it's 4am and I haven't slept by now [stupid sleeping pills don't kick in... need to take them more regulary.]


and btw thaaaaanks alot for your supporting words and tips because of chocolate carving.
Mich, I tried to make that hot cocoa but it tasted awful. /: I backed some cookies and had 2 or 3 of them. but they taste awful too. it's hopeless. I bought some dark chocolate, it's vegan. I will make mousse au chocolat and hope I won't eat too much of it. x___x 

aaaah carving for chocolate !!!

i want chocolate noooooooooooooow
but I don't have any vegan chocolate and this is not healthy.
But If I want chocolate, nothing can satisfy my carving besides chocolate. aaargh!!
help meee ):

100 ! - the very-healthy-vegan-fast

Ladies and Gentlemen,
this is Bella's 100st post! Yay! (:
Well today I started my vegan fast, and I hopy some of you would like to join me.
First of all I tell you what I ate:

1 Slice of Bread with Peanutbutter - 250cals

1 Granola Bar - 100cals


great. this ist not very healthy. I guess I just wanted something fatty because of the alcohol last night.
Well I had something fatty so nothing more of that crap.
I made my beloved pasta but I got so hungry before I even started with cooking, I had to eat that granola bar. Stupid, I know. I have to prepare myself very good for tomorrow so I won't do something stupid.
I will buy something healthy to eat with my bread and I already know what, I just have to find it. I would make them myself but the kitchen machine is so weak, it doesn't move if you put a few basil-leaves in it x_x njarghfghfbg.
No lame excuses anymore.
I might eat a fruit later if I get hungry, maybe with some soy yoghurt, I'll see.
I haven't done any exercise yet [bed-sports don't count I guess] but I will do rope skipping later. I WILL DO ROPE SKIPPING. yeah... need to convince myself. Okay.


My boyfriend said I would look sexy in my outfit. I was cooking and wore a PJ-throuser and a tight top where you can see all my fat. And he said I looked sexy. I asked him in disbelieve to repeat what he said about my messy outfit, and hedid. I was confused. Strange taste, that man.
But actually I know he likes skinnier woman. He admited to like feeling ribs. He touches mine [or at least the fat over them] when I'm lying down. But still he makes me feel how he likes my body. Very confusing, at least for me.

ah well and btw MY SCALE DOESN'T WORK AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.
yeah this is kind of punishment for ignoring the scale for so many weeks. Now it shows about 10kg/22lbs less than the normal weight. I really paniked because I knew I had gained and the stupid scale shows such a low number, a number I could never see in reality. I HAVE to go to the gym as soon as possible, not only because of workouts but also because they have a scale!!
I guess I'm around 65kg/143lbs ... I guess I have to work out well so I'm at 60kg/132lbs soon, so I can see a difference.

If you want to ask me something, please comment or ask on formspring. I would really love to talk to you online.

Love you Ladies <3
Bella

Design

Hello dear Readers,
as you might have seen or not, I changed the design a little bit, as I promised a while ago.
It's nothing special but I like it. I'm still awaiting anwers to my requests so I can put a few more pictures on my blog [I asked dif. artist on some pages if I am allowed to put their picture on my blog because I don't want a bog design full of stolen pictures].
I myself like taking pictures though I'm not very good at it and I would not like if someone put them on their blog without linking me back, so if you click the pictures the artists page/blog will open.

I know I have some readers but because nobody of them ever comments, I would love if everybody who reads this would share his opinion about the design in a comment under my posts.

About the vegan-fast, I will start on Monday and would be happy if some of you guys would join in with me.





Yesterday omething really strange happened.
I was ill and didn't feel good all the time but I wanterd to go out so I ended up goin to a friends belated birthday party with my Darling and our roommate.
Nothing strange about that. I wore a black longsleeve, black shorts and a black tight. [yeah I always wear black]
My boyfriend and me went grocery shopping before we went to the party, I looked up into a mirror above the fruits shelves and thought 'oh I look, something like, good'
I was scared and amazed at the same time. Though I was aware the longsleeve was very tight and all my ugly belly-fat was showing it didn't look like there was so much fat.
It was an amazing expierience and I would LOVE to see this every day. But I have to work for that. No lazy excuses anymore. I would be beautiful if I wasn't so fat, I know it!
Kisses :*
Bella

Vegan Recipe

Hello lovely Ladies,

I wanna share my beloved tomato-sauce recipe with you.

The recipe is for 2 portoins, I think.

I will convert the ml/grams to cups for you but I don't know if this works fine. I'll give it a try.

You need:

800ml / 3 1/2 Cups Tomatoes, mashed [the ones you can buy in little tetrapacks]

100g / 1/2 Cup Tofu, natural

1/2 Onion

1 Carrot

a few Broccoli tips [ I use about 3, depending on the size]

2 tbsp Olive Oil

Cut the Onion into little cubes, heat up a frying pan with 2 tbsl of Olive Oil and put the cubes in the pan.

Crush the tofu [take a fork for that] and put it into the pan too.

Add mashed Tomatoes, spice [ I use salt, pepper, basil, oregano, pepperoncino] and about 1/2 cup of water.

Add the peeled and rasped carrot.

Stir well.

Cook it for at least 20-30mins,  stir occasionally, add water if necessary.

It should taste very tomato-ish and not sweet like ketchup.

Put it on cooked pasta [look for egg-free pasta].

If it wouldn't get unhealthy after a while I would eat this every freakin day. I love, no I adore this dish.

Hope you like it too, the ones who try this.

Lots of love <3

Bella

PS: Wenn ich das Rezept ins Deutsche uebersetzen soll, schreibt mir einfach(:

Need to share this

Hi Ladies,

just a quick post, I found nice vegan-food-blogs, and this is the first one:

Vegan Lunchbox



aaand something you just have to check out by yourself: http://thisiswhyyourethin.blogspot.com/

Love :*
Bella

I want something to change, NOW.

Hello lovely Ladies,

I feel fat.

Nothing new to me but I think I got to the point where I can't stand this anymore.

Like so many of you.

I can't remember when I stepped on the scale the last time and I'm afraid I might weight 100kg/220lbs...

okay, not really but still at 65kg/143lbs with a height of 1,69/'5''5 and a giant  belly.

I think I got an idea which might help me getting healty and thinner.

I hope some people might join me with this. To make it more appealing I designed a little file. [click it so you can read it properly]

This mighy sound impossible to some of you guys as it does for me. But I know we all can do it if we want.

Sometimes I feel so sad when I read what some of you eat... only a slice of bread which is already a horrible thing for you and some coffee and nothing else. This is so unhealthy that your body will be destroyed without even losing weight.

That's why I made this and hope you will join me.

It's all about being healthy. So in combo with that you should not drink [too much] alcohol, smoke too much or do drugs. Of course this is still your choice and isn't necessary but would be good in order to be healthy.

You should prepare yourself well before starting this fast because it's important to have a good nutrient balance. This means you have to buy alot fresh veggies and fruits and a few things like soymilk and stuff. Just google it, there are plenty of online shops where you can buy vegan food.

I think I will try it for 2 weeks. You should do it at least one entry week.

Exceptions are not allowed because the whole thing doesn't work then. If you don't eat anything with added sugar for a few days it's way more easy to stay away from that for the rest of the time.
Don't missunderstand my pic, Coffee, Tea and Stuff is allowed to drink! Just don't count it instead of water!

I never lived vegan before so it'll be hard to find things to cook.

For everyone who lives/eats with their family, tell them about living vegan for a little time so you will prepare your own meals. Like that you can avoid family dinners full of cals or snacks someone gives to you. It only works if you stay vegan for the whole week so don't be afraid someone might consider you as rude. Tell them, it's for your health.

Very long text but I hope some will read it though and join me.

Just comment under this post. 

I will share recipes, blogs and stuff as much as possible.

I haven't decided when I will start the fast by now because some strange veggie&fruit virus is poisoning the food in germany and some parts of europe so I can't eat raw fruits&veggies from germany right now because I would rather not die from some stupid virus while trying to eat healthy.

Lots of kisses :*

Bella

PS: Damit jeder teilnehmen kann, wuerde ich die wichtigsten Sachen auch gerne nochmal auf Deutsch uebersetzen, wenn das jemand moechte. Schreibt mir einfach :*