not really happy

Hello Ladies,

I haven't posted about the vegan thing lately.
I have to admid that I feel more disgusted everytime I see and read what industry does to non-human animals.
It's a shame that so many people have no clue what happens or just don't care. They even say vegans are freaks.
I would like to slap their face every time they say something like that.

But still I decided not to stay vegan because I can feel how it affects my mind and I'm not happy with it because I miss some food. I know, how can someone be so weak missing food... but it's really new to me since I never missed any meat. It's really the opposite, I'm disgusted by the smell and the look.

But I miss cheese. I dont eat much cheese, and only light-tasting cheese like buttercheese or cream cheese. I could live without creamcheese I guess. But I can hardly live without normal, light-tasting cheese like the one I put on pizza or lasagne and I can't live without mozzarella. I could eat mozzarella with nearly everthing and along with my fav pasta I wouldn't need something else.
I'm disappointed with myself about that.
I wish I would like eating vegan more.
I feel stupid about writing how I miss Mozzarella u_u'
Still I think something is wrong because I got some insane cravings and even some kind of a meat craving [it was seitan sausage which tasted a little bit like animal sausage] and ate it with ketup and felt gross after eating two of them in a rush.
Indeed they are delicious but somehow that I thought of it as meat scared me. Normally this never happens and I really think the vegan-thing is affecting my mind.

The vegan-fast will end this weekend, since monday is my boyfriends and my first aniversary and we're going out for dinner. Nothing special or pricey, just something we never did before. It's mostly impossible to find something vegan at a normal restaurant so I don't want to mess up this date with that.

We will go grocery shopping on saturday. There are two things I'm gonna buy.
Mozzarella.
aaand.

Kinder Chocolate Bars!

because this is the most fucking delicious chocolate in the world. I swear, no oh-so-expensive chocolate is that good.
Since I have to be careful with diary because I don't know what it'll do to my stomach, I have to give them to my boyfriend so I won't eat them all at once. Normally when I somehow get them [I dont buy them because I know what happens, but some people give them to me as a present] I eat them one by one in an hour or two, depending on my mood or if I have someone around me.

 here you can see how I act around Kinder Chocolate... this picture might be inspired by a certain blogger.
But I'm not that good so it's just a poor imitation but I think you get what I mean about this chocolate.

Wow I said alot of unecessary thing nobody wants to know and thats why I stop writing now.
I'm bored.
But I can't go to sleep because I'm not tired by now and in 1,5 hours I have to get up, go buy some things and prepare some chocolate-cheesecake brownies for the theater people.
I'm such a nice girl and I'm going to bite my ass if I eat the brownies myself. Nyarghfdvbjhf.

Oh well, good night :* <3