need a header!

Well my lovelies, I started changing some things but I'm still not quite happy with it. I would really like to make post-backgrounds white-transparent and the text in black, but I dont know how to make the background white AND transparent. ugh /:
also, I really really need a header, with a picture. But I cant really get started because I havent decided if the name stays the same. I was never really happy with it, it was just a quick idea and I would rather have a name I like. I love my tumblr-blog name, but I cant name this one after the tumblr blog because this are completely different worlds and I dont want to be found out because there are certain people who know that I have a tumblr blog, whom I know in real life.
I guess I'm gonna go trough my music for some inspriration (maybe a quote of some song lyrics..?)

wish me luck!
and thank god I dont have chocolate here (:

love,
Bella

Blog Design

I really feel a strong need to change my blog design, I'm not happy with that one anymore. The colours are too bright and annoying.

Any suggestions?
Would love to hear some of your opinions!

love,
Bella

ohmygod

Of course, yesterday I ate more than I planned, but thats okay, I'm on my peroid since the day before yesterday and uber-unpredictable. I ate a veggieburger at my parent's and I was really strong while we baked some cakes for my fathers birthday, I tried a little of the coffee-cake-dough but not too much. I suddenly fell asleep on the sofa while my mother baked the second one, so I didnt get a chance.
I bought Diet-Sprite yesterday. So when I really want something sweet, I will drink a little of that. Though I hate diet soda because the taste of artificial sweetener is awful /:
but I really really wanna do that.
A few days ago, my mother asked if I had lost weight. I laughed and said no because I ate so much crap the last few weeks and I thought that its true, but I dared to go on the scales today and it said 61.6kgs ( 135.8lbs ) !!!
I was like WTF and tried it like 5 times again and it always saig the same number. That would be less than I weighted myself last time and I thought I might have gained! Thats so weird! But I'm happy. Since I cant be sure if this number was right I need to meassure myself today and try someone elses scales out.
However 61.6kgs/135.8lbs would be a HUGE difference to my weight before ( which was between 63.5kgs/140lbs and 64.5/142.2lbs ) and I would love if this is my real weight now. I cant see or feel the difference yet, but this is just the beginning, I'm sure.

Today I plan on cooking a aubergine-lasagna. So I will replace the lasagna (the noodles) with slices of aubergine. Normally I hate aubergine, but in that form I really like it. It has really low carbs so I can even eat it tonight without worrying to much about my normally very high carb meals. (:

I'm gonna meassure myself now and update my 'Bella' page later.

By the way, till now I ate a banana and one jelly baby. I'm gonna snack on carrots while cooking my tomatosauce for the lasagna and hope everything goes well.

Sorry for so much rant,hope youre all okay. Stay Strong<3

Love,
Bella

I need to get started

Hey Ladies,

I can feel clearly that something has to change, I'm gonna move out of that hole I lived in for the past few weeks. I can't let myself go like that anymore. I need to fight.
It's just so ironic how some people feel like there is the weight of the world on their shoulders and its impossible to get up everyday, live through the day and fight to survive their own mind while other people wont even get what I'm talking about.
Well, this is what feelings are about, everything is relatively.

So far I had:
a Clementine 60cals
a portion of Totellinisalad ~400cals
a chewing gum 4cals
water 0cals

that's okay I guess, but I fear of screwing it later, when I'm at my parent's. But if I'm here alone I will eat anyway so I will go there and simply dont eat untill I arive. Okay these are like 10hours, I will probably eat an apple or something. Maybe with cinnamon. Does anyone know a recipe with contains apples and cinnamon and doesnt contain a huge amount of fat and sugar? Feel free to tell me!(:

and if someone wants a low-fat tortellini salad recipe, just ask and I'll post it. (:



does anyone know what plant this is?

haha just kidding, I wouldnt even know myself, thank god for google (another joke, I dont believe in god)

this is Stevia.
You may have heard of that. A kind of no-cals-sugar replacement can be made out of this plant.
I already heard alot of it, but never tried it.
The problem is, in germany its not acknowledged as 'food' because the long-term reactions of our bodies isnt tested yet. You can buy it as a beauty product though (i.e. as a bath essence).
I orderd a little 30grams box and now I'm desperately waiting for it to arive so I can bake something(: I really really wish it tastes good or at least that I can get used to it. Then I can satisfy my sweet tooth with cake or muffins and save cals. yay! (:

lots of love<3
Bella

starting today

...I will make the bubblegum and cigarette diet.

Of course, this doesnt mean, I will only live on that.
It just means, if I'm not really hungry anyways but still want to munch on something, I will either chew gum or smoke a cigarette.
Normally, I'm not a smoker, but I enjoy a nice cig now and then...

I'm not quite sure how to handle the ciggie thing because my boyfriend will notice and I dont want to hide something from him, but I wouldnt want to lie to him about the reason for smoking. /: we'll see..

well, as for the rest of the diet, I will eat one warm meal everyday and try to stick with 1000cals.
This seems quiet much, but for me, its still a challenge.
So far today (which is only 4 and a half hours) I had a mandarine. I'm already really hungry because I slept from 2pm till 1am, so I didnt have a dinner yesterday.

Right now I'm cooking some spinach-ricotta tortellini for a tortellini salad which will include tomatoes, gherkins, low fat mozzarella and low fat feta and a bit of the secret-special-salad-sauce of my fathers restaurant (: I'm gonna count the cals for that now....
its roughly 1000cals the whole portoin, but of course my portoin isnt that big. I might take the rest with me, when I visit my parents this evening.(:

hope everyone is okay<3

love,
Bella

woah

I've been absent for way too long. But I've been absent from my life for way too many weeks, too.
But I finally managed to come back and I saw I got even 2 more followers! I dont know how I deserve this but thanks alot <3
I cant really explain whats goin on with me, I havent seen anyone besides my family and housemates for weeks and only once talked to my best friend on the phone. I dont sleep at night. I came to a point where my parents noticed what I hid for so many years and I got to the doctors finally. Now my mother and me are calling at random psychatrists and psychologists and try to find someone who has spare time for me. But they said, I should stay in a hospital. I dont want to. I never thought it would come this far. I'm scared. Scared off telling people how I feel. I can neverever be really honest with a person. Its even hard to write down here.
But I really dont want to come back here and just whine so much.
I came here because I want to change. And I need to start with something.
So I just looked at a blog I discovered months ago again and its really inspiring.

http://run-bella-run.tumblr.com

I really recommend to take a look at it. The girl with the same name as me really made great changes. I want to be like her.

I'm gonna catch up on your blogs soon, I hope. I start with that NOW.

Lots of Love<3
Bella