woah

I've been absent for way too long. But I've been absent from my life for way too many weeks, too.
But I finally managed to come back and I saw I got even 2 more followers! I dont know how I deserve this but thanks alot <3
I cant really explain whats goin on with me, I havent seen anyone besides my family and housemates for weeks and only once talked to my best friend on the phone. I dont sleep at night. I came to a point where my parents noticed what I hid for so many years and I got to the doctors finally. Now my mother and me are calling at random psychatrists and psychologists and try to find someone who has spare time for me. But they said, I should stay in a hospital. I dont want to. I never thought it would come this far. I'm scared. Scared off telling people how I feel. I can neverever be really honest with a person. Its even hard to write down here.
But I really dont want to come back here and just whine so much.
I came here because I want to change. And I need to start with something.
So I just looked at a blog I discovered months ago again and its really inspiring.

http://run-bella-run.tumblr.com

I really recommend to take a look at it. The girl with the same name as me really made great changes. I want to be like her.

I'm gonna catch up on your blogs soon, I hope. I start with that NOW.

Lots of Love<3
Bella