I am so sorry

Dear ladies,
I havent blogged in many days and I'm really sorry about that, I'm a bad blogger and I dont deserve that all my 28 readers stayed with me. Thanks alot..<3
I have no excuse, in the beginning I didn't get a chance because I slept like a normal person, I guess, so there wasnt enough time.
Things are okay right now, I'm not doing the HSGD since the festival I went to but I try to stay with 1000cals.
I started working at my father's. This is something everyone thought would be impossible, including me, but it's really working. It's really fun, it's a familiar environment for me and yeah I like working there and I also earn a little money(:
I think I catched a cold and I'm on my period now, so my body isn't in the best condicion but I can deal with it.
Tonight I stayed at home because my Darling didnt felt well too so we just cuddled a little and he slept most of the time.
While I was bored because he fell asleep again I started looking through facebook, trying to find a possibility to see all the different albums my friends uploaded without checking out their profiles. There isn't one, I think.
As I have seen different albums I found the album of the finland holydays of a friend. I really think I should have gone with them on this vacation and the festival wasn't worth staying in germany.
While I was looking through the pictures I noticed the 'ugly' parts of my friends and people I know. eww fat legs, eww spots in her face, eww his hair looks ugly, etc. First I was worried why I think this but then I somehow thought I will be better. Next year, I will be with them and I will be the most beautiful and perfect girl of our group. My hair will be even longer than now, so that I have the longest hair, I will be thinner so I dont look like a fatty, I will look good in every picture and even when I'm waking up without makeup in the morning!
I know I can do this and this is realistic if I really try it. Okay, maybe not the party about the most beautiful and perfect girl, but still.
I already know I cant be the skinniest girl, no matter how much weight I loose because there are two younger girls who are really like dolls, very very petite, I guess they're at least under 105lbs, the smaller one something between 90-97lbs. I dont know if it's natural, I didnt talk to them very much, but they're nice girls. But their faces aren't as perfect as their figures. At least something that makes me believe they're not aliens from outer space. ;)
I wanted to share this collage with you, I made it a few moths ago and it was my desktop background picture but I was afraid my boyfriend would ask strange questions, so I removed it and put a picture of Skin's Cassie there instead(:

click it (;

I'll answer your comments in a separate post after I catched up on your blogs!(:


lots of love and kisses :* <3
Bella