whats wrong?

With me?
Because I'm in a new school and I managed to stay at home for at least oneday every week because I cant get up. I don't know why I always mess things up ):

With bloggers?
Because recently 3 girls I follow stopped blogging and deleted their blogs.
Cinnamon Brown, Miss Hilarious and LuftundLiebe, I really liked your blogs and I always follow just the few I like best and now 3 of you have left. ): hope youre all okay, Cinnamon stays healthy and can go to seattle some day, Miss Hilarious I hope you come back because I still dont know what happened and I really hope you're okay and LuftundLiebe please stop this abusive behavior and break up with that horrible guy, you'll be so much more happy, for sure. <3

xoxo Bella

"You can exist without your soul, you know, as long as your brain and heart are still working. But you’ll have no sense of self anymore, no memory, no….anything. There’s no chance at all of recovery. You’ll just exist. As an empty shell."

-Remus Lupin

"Understanding is the first step to acceptance, and only with acceptance can there be recovery."

-Albus Dumbledore

WANTED

MISS HILARIOUS wo bist du?

Weiß irgendjemand etwas ueber ihren verbleib? Meldet euch bitte.

hell yeah

I finally managed to make my AIM account working with Trillian Astra. Because I use the new Trillian now, I managed to create a secound indenty with the name Bella. (: this means I can be online all day (or the time I'm at my pc) with my regular account and still chat with you lovely girls! Awesome! (:

please message me under BellaMeowMeow ! I didnt get a few of your requests, so please send messages (:

Loooove<3

meanwhile....

omg I have been such a bad bad bad blogger!
Please pardon my absence, wonderful ladies!

I cant explain why but I'm not able to blog these days.
to entertain you just a little, here is my tumblr-.blog link. I just started it a few days ago.

U Should Have Never Trusted Hollywood

ATTENTION! please dont mention anything related to this blog, including weight issues, depression and stuff like that because maybe I will gibe this link to people I know in real life.

Lots of love <3

Finally! responding to your lovely comments

My sweeties,
thanks alot for all you comments!
I am very grateful for every comment that I get from you, it feels so good that you care for me and my stupid rambling and you can even understand me. That means alot to me.
Before I get carried away, here are my responses. :*


Kitty: I also have difficulties leaving the house because I cant go out without makeup and an acceptable outfit, so I think I better stay in the house before I start dressing myself and putting makeup on. I really have to fix that. Good thing I'm working now at my father's so I have to get out of the house and dont eat that much. (:

Littly Miss Thin: It was some kind of realization, it came to my mind, I said it out loud and my boyfriend simply agreed because he already had the thought weeks ago.
We're both very difficult, I suffer from years of depression and I got to some 'final stage' I think, because I'm not changing that much anymore.
Before, I went through different stages like the 'feeling absolutely nothing' stage and the 'what the fuck is going on with my life' stage, etc.
Now I've reached a stage where I think I'm really happy but also very deeply affected by what depression did to me and now I'm kinda oversensitive. I start crying over the 'tiniest things', I have nightmares every night I dream and I can get more depressive very easily. It seems to my like everything that happened in my past is affects my life now. Also my mind is torturing me with cruel thoughts and pictures when I'm awake.
My boyfriend is more the cold-hearted-type, but not all the time. He likes being alone and doesn't like to be close to me when we're with other people.
So of course there are problems, lots of them, which we think we cant solve because our personalities wont change that much.

Mich: You really made me feel better by just posting these words.
Theoretically your completely right, but unfortunately not in reality because I'm more than addicted to my boyfriend, he's the person I trust as much as possible for me, he is by my side every night and every day, I simply cant live without him anymore and its like 'how did I live 16 years without him?'. I may still be alive if our relationship would end, but there will be no way I will get over this, I know myself too well to believe that. And he really really loves me the way I am and I'm really sure this is very very hard and I cant say I deserve that. But I'm grateful that I am loved that much.


It took me alot of courage to type these words since this is normally something I would never say or write. I'm really proud that I'm able to write this here, to you, the lovely blogger-ladies.

something to cheer myself and this post up:

my latest favourite Disney Couple!

  

  

it's Arielle from 'Arielle the little mermaid' and Megara from 'Hercules' (;

I can't really explain why, but these two have a very special relationship in my head. I saw a vid on youtube with different Disney-Girls in and these two somehow matched, so they're the perfect couple.
Curious, naughty, little mermaid Arielle and confident, dominant and sexy Megara.

found some fanart *-*
         



but really not my preferred style of drawing. and they're way to fat.
Sorry for thinking that ):

                                      
I like that one, but it's still not what I'm looking for. Their facial expression is not quite what I imagine.




                

                    


this picture looks more like the kind of relationship I imagine. aww *-*

 









Kisses :*
Bella