things are getting serious...

Ladies, my birthday is coming up this week.

And I'm getting a pair of lovelysallys for my birthday and I'm freaking scared they might look stupid on me.

Just in case you dont know Lovelysally is an online shop where you can buy utterly crazy leggings (and swimsuits, skirts, dresses) from an italian designer.

I fell in love with them over a year ago, when there was just the first collection of leggings and nothing else but they're 45€ each and I couldnt make myself buy them. But now I get them as a present for my birthday and I said I wanted them in size M and now I'm totally scared I might not fit in. That would be the worst. My waist is 3-5cm bigger than it should be for the leggings.
And my new gym membership isnt activated yet and I really need to do some sports because at work I'm just sitting on a computer most of the day. Panic!

look what kind of people usually wear stuff from lovelysally:

they're all gorgeous and have such skinny legs... nobody who wears a size M (which probably is still to small) runs around in those leggings.

enough of this whining, I have to go to work now.


wish all of you  a happy valentines day <3
xx Bella

feeling sick but staying strong?

hey ladies,
I'm at work right now and I feel sick but I drag myself to work because I have to. And I'm proud of it. Seems stupid, I know, but its sth like an archievment for me because I always used excuses to avoid going to school/work just because I didnt feel well. But I never really feel well if I have to get up in the morning, so this kept on going worse, but now I at work and I'm gonna do this properly.
I feel like this is my last chance of doing something with my life.

When I started blogging I just changed school after having very bad marks in 10th grade. I was going to a fashion school but I was totally in the wrong course, a bunch of annoying bitches were my classmates and the teachers where kinda scary psychos. I was good at most subjects because it was easy but my classmates slowly started making me feel very uncomfortable and bullying me for no real reason. People just dont like me. Even though I always try so hard.
After that I worked a few months at the theatre and as the next year started I was continuing school (11th grade) at a different school. this was the first time I had a nice class. They were mostly a little younger than me and I thought before that would become a problem, but it wasnt. Of course I wasnt one of the crowd, but I made two friends, a guy and a girl, both two years older than me and theyre really great. I could get along with most of my classmates, thats something I didnt have before.
But my stupid depression and anxiety werr dragging me down, so after a few months I couldnt go to school and I was really sad because I couldnt go back after missing some weeks of school because it was too difficult to catch up with the lessons.
enough of the rant.

I havent eaten anything so far today and I really shouldnt because I got trouble to stop eating when I'm full for the last two weeks or so. I dont know why because I didnt overeat usually because I naturally stopped. Now I have to be careful. I'm considering splitting my meals into really small portions so I am not able to overeat.

Love.
Bella

I cant seem to update regulary...

...not that it's something new.

well since nobody messaged me about the photomanip. I guess nobody is interested or nobody read it.

however I still wanna show what I meant.

its older work from when I was just trying and learning and I've gotten better by now, but I only got this to show here so I hope you know what I was talking about.
If anyones interested, please let me know.

lots of love. ♥

anyone interested in getting their pictures edited? (:

Somehow I feel like I dont have enough time for everything I want to do... like posting.

yesterday I had an appointment at my gynaecologist and she gave me a new birth control pill because I'm always in such heavy pain when I'm on my period. I'm kinda scared of the new pill because I might gain weight from the hormones and I definitely dont want that! I'm totally gonna weight myself every day to see if something changes, even though I normally afraid to weight myself /: last time is already a few weeks ago, at the end of august I think, that was 3 weeks after I came home from Ireland and I was terribly afraid that I gained because the group I traveled with has german traditional grandma who cooks the food and its aaaall fatfatfat and instant-stuff, no fresh fruit or veggies. /: I ate mostly fruits and some veggies when I came home and after 3 weeks I dared to weight myself and I was 140.5lbs so it was normal (but not good!)

I'm at work right now and I'm soooo bored. I'm alone today for 10hours and I had like 5 customers...booooring!

Soooo if you'd like to help me, I got a great idea (;

I'm working at a photographer and I'm learning how to use Photoshop.

Soo every reader of my blog: send me a picture of yourself! aaand I'm gonna make you look a little slimmer than you actualy are so you can see how you look with a few lbs less!  (:

If you dont know what I mean, check out my post somewhen in feb. where I posted a picture of me with black clothes, one the original and one how I'd like to look on somewhere on my way to thinness.

If you'd like me to do that for you, send me an email to bellamieze@web.de with you picture.

a few guidelines though, because otherwise I wont be able to do it right.

the picture should have a neutral background, so please no stuff near your body, and no doorframes and stuff like that. otherwise it would get moved around when I'm working on the bodyshape and that looks stupid.

face can be on the picture, but doesnt have to, just the body is important.

some poses are hard to work on, like for example when your just standing frontal to the cam, with your arms hangig. rather put your hands in your hair, just pose a little, that makes it easier to reach every part of the body.

I hope you girls understood everything I tried to say, and I'd be honoured if someone wants me to edit their picture (:

love love love <3

btw, listen to this song:

♥

party and low kcal?

I wanted to post something yesterday, and I'll put it in here later.

today I had to work from 10am till 5pm and my co-worker and me had to take pictures of each other for the shops website and it was a real hard job for him because I'm so difficult and dont feel well with having my pictures taken by someone. but I managed to find one that I was okay with. I'd like to show it to you girls but I'm not allowed to have the pic /:
today I ate a croissant (whats wrong with me?) and I'm gonna be on a party tonight, so that means lots of kcals /: and probaly no dancing. dont know. but I'll try to stay as low as possible.

love <3

34!

omg I just noticed I have 34readers! I know some of them are inactive and dont read this but lots of love to everyone of you my lobely readers <3
thanks for staying with me.

I'm not even trying to explain why I didnt post for so long...

well Ladies, here I am, feeling good because I managed to go to my new work regulary and because I just figured out how to blog from my phone(: because I've been thinking about blogging quiet often, but never was at home... but I still checked your blogs from time to time.
but reading Little Miss Thin's blog somehow kicked me back on track .

Today I had to work from 10am to 8pm. I work in a Mall and there is food and sweets and crap everywhere. I'm gonna be home around 9pm which is really late to start cooking, but I dont have much of a choice.
today I had so far:

breakfast: 308
two slices of wholemeal rye bread - 218 kcals
with vegan spread - around 90kcals

lunch: same

snack: 3 little chocolate pieces (gift from a customer) 138kcals

dinner: ? not quiet sure, had vegetables with some sauce and a slice of bread, guess around 300

I also drank 1.5l of juice and 1.5l of water.

woah that sounds a fucking lot...

well however I think my daily cal intake should be around 1700-1800cals for my age, height and size.
a website calculated that if I ate a little over 1000 cals a day I would be 121lbs/55kgs by my birthday in february, and that sounds freakin amazing! I think a goal is something that makes me excited and motivates me. I havent done anything about my weight for far too long!
I'm thinking about a detox-fast next week or so, just to kickstart the weightloss. so just water and detox tea for 7 days, who's in?(:
I have to research everything well before I start, I dont want it to get unhealthy starving with big weightgain afterwards.
if anyone is interested in joining me with the fast I will post the infos about fasting healthy(: